It's not always about me..

I have a favorite saying I like to tease Colton with..."Not EVERYTHING is about you, Colton."
It's always said as a joke and he knows it, so that's good. :)
Today I was reminded of that phrase..only it was meant seriously..and it was my name..not Colton's.
You see, I had this girl contact me and want to be my roommate at school. She was SUPER helpful and REALLY nice and we clicked instantly! I've been looking forward to rooming with her since March.
But then I got bad news.
We weren't assigned as roommates.
And then I got worse news.
She had signed up to room with one of her friends without telling me.
That hurt.
It seemed perfect. We were supposed to have a room in the dorm I wanted to be in. I was still going to have some privacy because our room had a divider down the middle. I didn't have to go buy a mini fridge because she already had one. We liked a lot of the same things..
AND she was the only girl I was going to know when I got there..

Now, while I'm a little hurt and disappointed about the whole situation, I'm not mad at her. We're still good friends and I am looking really forward to hanging out with her when I get to school, but for the last few weeks, I've been wondering why on earth God brought this wonderful opportunity to room with her into my life...only to have it taken away...
Many people have encouraged me that it could be "a blessing in disguise" and maybe that's true..
BUT.
Maybe it's not for my sake that I got moved..
Maybe it's for someone else's..
Maybe He's moved me to the dorm I did NOT want to be in with a girl I don't know at all..for her sake..or for someone else on my floor..
Maybe it's not all about me..so I should stop playing the "why me" card with God..
Maybe I should trust in His perfect provision..:)

After all, my life is not about me..It's about Him.
"..It is no longer I that live, but Christ lives in me.." Galatians 2:20

It feels like it's all falling apart..when in reality, it's all coming together..

Last night as I was laying in bed I realized that I probably only have 30 or so nights left in that bed before I have to start sleeping in my dorm...in Chicago.

I hyperventilated.

Yes.

You bet I did.

A million thoughts hit me all at once.

"I'm not ready to leave home and go to college!"----"Oh grow up, Jessica. People do it everyday."

"How am I supposed to pay for all the expenses on my own?"---"Jessica, you know God will take care of that part of things."

"How on earth am I supposed to adjust to living in Chicago?!"---"Jessica, you know that's where God has placed you. He will help you."

"I'm going to miss out on my sister's teenage years..that's not fair to her. She needs me."---"Jessica, it's part of life. You won't miss that much. You'll still be close to her."

"What if someone in my family gets sick and I can't be here?!"---"Jessica, that's part of growing up and becoming an adult. You can't stay at home forever."

"What about my mom and dad? I'm ripping their hearts out!"---"Jessica, when you were born they knew they'd have to let go eventually."

"I think I'm going to be sick."---"Jessica, just calm down. God's in control."

Now, I don't think my thoughts were quite that...eloquent..or organized, but you get what happened.

I felt like I was falling apart.

So, what did I do? Started praying.

I asked God to prepare me for all of the changes I'm going to have to face. Changes...I don't want to see come. I asked Him for His protection. (Chicago! HELLO?!) I asked Him for His wisdom and strength to make it through those first few weeks there. And most of all I prayed for His peace to come and comfort me and let me know that it's going to be okay. :)

And guess what? Prayer works.

With His peace, I can confidently say that even though it feels like it's all falling apart right now, it's just God's plans for my life all coming together. :)

I'm back..and ready to jump in with both feet this time. :)

Yes, YES. I know. I'm terrible at this blogging thing...I'm terrible at journaling as well. It seems that the only thing I'm good at is writing letters..so maybe I should just pretend this is exactly like writing one of those..

So..It's been close to a year and a half since my last post...I'm not even going to begin to list all of the things that have happened in my life..I'm just going to start writing about what's going on in my life now. :)

I'm learning about relationships. All kinds of them. My relationship with God, my family, my friends. And yes, even my relationship with a boy..:) So, let's go in order..shall we?

My relationship with God:

This relationship is probably the hardest to maintain. It's incredible how no one knows me better than He does, yet I have so many questions about Him. He's been teaching me a lot about joy lately and how in Him and ONLY Him do I have the freedom to experience joy in EVERY circumstance. Hard lesson for this girl right here. I'm a worrier. Yup. A. Worrier. And as a worrier, I dwell on things; I try to come up with my own solutions; I do it myself. That's no good. It affects my trust in God...which drives me crazy. So, the Lord's been teaching me to trust Him with everything and embrace the joy and peace He offers me at all times. :)

My relationship with my family:

It's about to change drastically. I'm leaving home in a month and heading to college. I'll be able to come back once a month to visit...but it's still going to be SO hard to leave. As the days left at home narrow down, I'm beginning to realize how much I take for granted all of the time. My dad's hard work. My mom's comfort. My sister's sense of humor. My grandma's long talks. Oh, I'm going to miss all of it...and it scares me. But I've determined to make the best of the month I have left. :)

My relationships with my friends:

They're about to change too. I think it's safe to say that I'm one of the oldest ones in my circle of close friends...which means that...when I leave...I'll feel like I'm abandoning them. And I don't want them to feel like that. So I am very thankful for all of the time I've been able to spend with them this summer. I hope I get more with them before I leave. And I hope that I'm able to stay close to them while I'm away during the school year. :)

My relationship with the boy:

Haha, oh that's a fun one. :) I'm blessed to have an amazing guy who wants nothing more than to please God with his entire life. It inspires me. :) We're learning a lot of things together. Like, perseverance takes a LOT of work. Or like, the other person won't always be perfect all of the time and that when their not, it's not the end of the world. Our biggest lesson we're both trying to master is keeping all of our priorities in order. God first and everything else after Him. Not always easy. But He's faithfully guiding us toward that goal. :) And I'm excited for what He has in store for us. :)